Dealing with emotional abuse can feel isolating. Oftentimes, you wonder if you’re blowing things out of proportion, or worse if you’re actually the one being emotionally abusive.
There are definitely signs you need to be aware of, so it’s important to get educated about what is and what is not emotional abuse.
I’ve listed below ten of the best books I’ve read on the subject, which really helped me to heal and understand what happened to me in my toxic relationship.
1.Hidden Abuse
by Shannon Thomas
This was one of the best books on covert abuse. I remember searching if it was still considered abuse if he didn’t hit me and finding this book. I knew that it was, but I didn’t have the language or framework for understanding it.
2. Women Who Love too Much
by Robin Norwood
This book is key for women who find themselves giving more in relationships than they get. Oftentimes, these are emotionally abusive and codependent relationships. There is some great advice for women — but I think a lot of it can apply to men as well.
3. Psychopath Free
by Jackson Mackenzie
After ending a relationship and looking back at the cruelty I endured, I wondered why I attracted such a person into my life. This book does a great job of explaining how emotional abusers seek out victims and the typical pattern they go through in a relationship (idealize-devalue-discard).
4. Whole Again
by Jackson Mackenzie
Mackenzie continues the discussion, but this book is more focused on how to move forward from an emotionally abusive relationship. I found it extremely helpful in figuring out how to move forward.
5. How to Break Your Addiction to Another Person
by Howard M. Halpern
Oftentimes, emotionally abusive relationships are addicting for both parties. The partner being abused is attached to their abuser and can’t seem to let go — but why? That’s the question I found best answered in this book. There’s also great advice to make sure you don’t continue this pattern.
6. Men Who Hate Women And The Women Who Love Them
by Joan Torress and Dr. Susan Forward
I found this book helpful for my situation. My therapist asked me in one session if I thought my ex was a misogynist and my immediate reaction was “of course not!” But as I thought through what he said about women and how he viewed them, I came to understand that I might be wrong. This book really highlighted men like my ex who view women as extensions of themselves, rather than as individual people.
7. Attached
by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
This book is about attachment theory, not necessarily emotional abuse. But I think it’s safe to say many relationships with avoidant and anxious attached individuals have the tendency to be more emotionally abusive. This book really helps shape what you should consider when starting a relationship with another person — including questions to ask to gauge their attachment style.
8. Codependent No More
by Melody Battie
Like many emotional abusers, my ex was an addict. Codependent No More really focuses on detaching from the addict in your life, because codependency becomes a natural and harmful answer to the chaos an addict brings. If you find yourself controlling another’s actions, especially an addict, I highly recommend this book.
9. Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
by Lundy Bancroft
It’s funny, I didn’t really think of my ex as an angry man — but I remember my therapist (who saw him as well) tell me he was one of the angriest men she had met. I had become so used to it, I couldn’t even see it anymore. This book really goes into the minds of angry and controlling men, giving insight into why they do what they do when they say they love you.
Let me know in the comments if there are any books you would recommend!
Note: Some of the links I post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and buy the items, I get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Even so, all my opinions are my own and I never recommend products I don’t believe in.