I’ve suffered with OCD since I was a child. The first time I can remember was when I was seven years old. I didn’t realize OCD was a thing until I was in high school, and since then I’ve tried to learn as much about it as I can.
This all came to a head when my life fell apart right before I turned 30. My almost 10-year relationship and 5-year marriage ended. I turned 30, which I was dreading. I moved back to my hometown from a different state right before COVID hit.
Those changes forced me into therapy again where I realized how much OCD has really impacted me. While I thought I had a handle on it — I didn’t. It was still controlling me as I was dealing with grieving my relationship, healing from the abuse, and navigating a COVID-impacted world while building my life over again.
While my therapist was slowly helping me realize its impact on my life, which was helpful, I still didn’t fully understand it. And then I stumbled upon a video from HealthyGamerGG — and I got one of the best explanations of OCD that I’ve seen. At least, this one really resonated with me.
HealthyGamerGG, or Dr. K, does videos, most popularly with Twitch streamers, but also with his viewers around mental health concepts. In this video, he discusses OCD with a viewer and breaks it down in one of the best ways I’ve seen. Scroll to the bottom to view the entire video.
Let me break down some of the key concepts that I found helpful:
OCD is the fear of uncertainty
This may seem obvious, but honestly, I’ve never thought about OCD this way. I always considered it as just a way of managing anxiety. If I do this compulsion I’ll feel less anxious.
However, centering it around a feat of uncertainty made it clear how all the different ways my OCD manifested were really focused on the same core issue. If the problem is a feat of uncertainty, then the solution would be to deal with that fear. Of course, that is easier than it sounds.
The cycle of reassurance
Dr. K breaks down the OCD cycle in a really digestable way:
First, there is an intrusive thought, which leads to an urge for reassurance.
Then your logic kicks in and fights back. But the more you fight back, the more the urge for reassurance increases.
Eventually, you run out of steam and you end up caving in to get reassurance. This causes you to change your behavior, resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy, which strengthens the intrusive thought. It also leads to a negative self-attitude (which Dr. K calls the OCD self) which fights against your true self. This fighting leads to a sense of hopelessness.
I’ve done my best to map out the cycle noted in the video.
Not fighting against your bully, the OCD self
It was a paradigm shift to think of OCD as centered around this fear of uncertainty and urge to seek reassurance, rather than just a way to alleviate anxiety. The cycle helped me realize:
- My OCD was mainly focused on seeking reassurance.
- My OCD was a bully, and fighting against it wouldn’t work.
- Instead, I need to learn to accept uncertainty.
Learning to accept the uncertainty, rather than seeking reassurance has been a huge shift for me. I’ll go over some examples in future posts.
Watch the entire video here: